Happy Birthday, Gary Busey!!

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Joe is me. And Mary is a composite of 12 different women and a small independent film company, all of whom couldn't deal with me, because I'm too real."

You make the world a better place every day. Happy Birthday!

Sorry for the pr0n post, but...

Holy shit

You stupid fucking firefighters

So I worked security at the Detlef Schrempf charity auction on Saturday. Everybody was there - Kato Kaelin, that one guy from "Drew Carey," some guys who played sports. I tell you my friend, the B-list stars shown brightly on Saturday night.

However, it wasn't all glitz and glamour. One of the things auctioned was some kind of experience with four firefighters. I don't know what kind of experience, but it went for thousands and thousands of dollars. After the auction, two of the firefighters stuck around, got drunk, and one started pawing the ladies, whilst the dulcet tones of Dance Factory (!) floated across the Sheraton's dance floor.

It was then I decided that the phenomenon of the sexy firefighter is officially played out. I mean out like Burt Reynolds naked on a bear skin rug. I mean out like Antonio "I'm apparently not a Mexican" Banderas. I mean out like Lou Rawls.

And so I say this to you, you stupid fucking firefighters: PUT YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT BACK ON AND GET THE HELL BACK TO WORK! Quit making calendars, quit selling yourself to dowagers for cash, quit appearing on Oprah as America's Sexiest Heros.

Once upon a time, firefighters were genuine tough guys. A guy I was on ladder company with would always talk about the the old days. Firefighters would just stuff their beards in their mouths as an air filter, grab an attack line, and rush into a burning building. If they made it back out, they'd fire up a cigarette and have a pull off their flask. Now that's tough. Shaving your chest? Oiling your chest? That's, you know, not so tough.

So stop it. Put your pants on and go put out a fire. The life you save just might be that skeezy trophy wife you tried to hump in my area of operations. You'll have to move fast, you stupid fucking firefighter, 'cause I guaran-Goddamn-tee you that those tits are flammable.

Hope I'm this tough when I'm 73

A 73-year-old Kenyan man killed a leopard with his bare hands. My goodness.

Again with the overhead imagery

This is a cool site devoted to interesting satellite imagery pulled from Google maps.

This is an interesting site devoted to hacking Google maps. Lots of it is over my head, but there's some interesting stuff. Specifically, you can indeed enter latitude & longitude into Google maps. However, it looks like you've got to do it in decimal form, and not minutes and seconds. So, soon as I find a site that'll show me how to do that, I can really start digging.

Won't be water, but the fire next time

My God can kick your atomic bomb's ass.

Independance Day Qing, anyone?

Hey - Gen and I were talking about the impending display of Chinese hot crackers above the lake of Un-ion.

Are there any plans brewing? If not, Gen and I would like to offer up our digs for Qing the day of, and, since the lake isn't far from the house, walking down to it for some sweet american america - american style.

So, who wants to come, or who has a better idea than this?

A-FUCKING-MERICA BITCHES!!

These three things are not like each other

Thing Number One:
"Intent to Gratify." Now that's a funny thing with which to be charged. It rivals (one of) my own Bainbridge charges: "possesion of a weapon apparently capable of inflicting harm." That's what a squirt gun gets you on The Rock.

Thing Number Two:
I worked security at a fashion show at ConWorks on Saturday. Had a tough assignment, watching models watch other models while other models modeled clothes. My biggest priority was keeping the entrance to the room clear, in the event we had to evacuate. Then entrance itself was about four feet wide. Thing is, every model walks into a room the same way: they take one step in, do something that gets attention -- like a hair flip -- and then they look around to see whether anyone is looking at them. Multiply that attention seeking behavior by three hundred models, and then divide that into four feet. Hilarity ensues. Thank God there wasn't a fire, as getting that crowd out would have been exactly as easy as putting three hundred cats in a Geo Metro.

Thing Number Three:
My Dad made it through his double bypass surgery last week. He had the surgery Monday, then spent the rest of the week in the hospital. I picked him up on Friday, and took him back to Suquamish. He's happy, healthy and he looks terrific -- if he didn't have a foot-long cut on his chest, you'd never know he was operated on. So how 'bout three cheers for Dennis Harland Berry?

Not ALL kittens are cute...

We saw on SFGate today that a two headed kitten had been born in Glide, Oregon. This led me to do a little search on such oddities. Feast your eyes on this!

http://www.messybeast.com/freak-face.htm

In a boat. . . On a river. . .

I dunno, I saw Kirk cavorting with a girl named Lucy.

In space, you can ask or tell your captain anything

Everybody loves the Google image search. Lately, I've been doing sets of searches of related terms, and comparing what comes up in Google images. It's interesting to see the numbers of hits -- image search "good" and you'll get 1,990,000 results. Image search "bad" and you'll get 1,480,00 far sexier results. It's also interesting to see what comes up when you image search uncommon adjectives.

Today, I was comparing what came up image searching "stranded" and "marooned." It was in the course of that research that I ran across a very special site. It features art celebrating the continuing, erotic, adventures of Kirk and Spock.

I now give this gift to you:

Click here

Again with the Legos

I didn't know it, but there are lots of folks selling their own Lego kits these days. Check it:

Mechanized Brick

Brickmania

Man, all I want to do is go home and play with my Legos. How long till I get my mid-life crisis?

Lego Awesomeness

Not sure if you guys/gals have seen this, but it's definitely worth checking out:


Click here

Look at me -- I'm incredulous!

The work I'm doing today caused me to run into some primo-grade bullshit. I'm looking for old polygraph examiners, all of whom "examined" one of my clients a few years back. A good shortcut for a lot of professions is to head over to WA's department of licensing, find the correct regulatory agency, and find out whether homeboy still has a license.

Homeboy. I talk just as hip as a middle school gym teacher.

Anyhoo, it was in the course of my DOL digging that I found WA has no regulatory agency in charge of polygraph examiners. What that means is you don't need to be licensed by the state if you want to be a polygraph examiner.

Now, if you want to massage animals, you need a license. If you want to be an egg dealer, you need a license. If you want to be a geologist, a hulk hauler, a snowmobile dealer, or a wrestling tournament judge, you need a license.

While the voodoo that is polygraphy isn't admissable in court, a bad polygraph can give somebody a ShitPile of trouble. Criminal cases are plea bargained based on polygraphs. Probation is revoked based on polygraphs. Hiring decisions for local, state and federal agencies are made based on polygraphs. Since 9/11, polygraphy is practically our national past time.

Not only is polygraphy based on specious science, in Washington it's less-regulated than the transportation and sale of chicken eggs. Fuckin' A, man.

I tried to avert my eyes, I really did...

but Triumph the Insult Dog is pretty damn funny...

Catch him here at the Man in the Mirror's trial

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities

http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade1.shtml

Be sure to read the commentary...

Central Cinema

As per discussions at the party, Seattle's new dining/cinematic location:

http://www.central-cinema.com/

H2O2

I can honestly say that I didn't know that you could use hydrogen peroxide as a propellant.

Here's a link to an H2O2 car on eBay

And news that Bezos' Blue Origin will use an H2o2 & Kerosene for it's launches

Anyone who has a greater understanding of this - feel free to fill me in.

Here's an awesome picture of Morgan:



Happy birthday buddy! We love you!

Useless Trivia from the UK

This week, on "Ten things we didn't know last week":

- You're 10 times more likely to be bitten by a human than a rat.
- It takes 75kg of raw materials to make a mobile phone. (That's 165.3467 pounds).
- Sheep urine can, if treated properly, help to cut the emissions in exhaust fumes. (New Zealand smog control!)
- Condoms are classed as "luxury" items by the UK Treasury and taxed accordingly. (Not sure how to comment on this one...)

You'd be happier with this

The Walker Bulldog is a fine tank, don't get me wrong. But give me the sassy, classy old T-72 any day. It's everything a tank should be, and it's one more thing as well: obsolete.

Let's drive it all the way from Jersey!

Oh please, please puh-LEEZE help me buy this.

Bus Monster

To follow up on Eric's excellent map post, check this out:

http://www.busmonster.com/

Legs a plenty

Do you love socks? Or perhaps you just like to look at pictures of
shapely legs in pretty socks and petticoats?
Whatever the case, take a moment to check out
http://www.sock-dreams.com/_shop/edit/index.php

You'll be glad you did!

More

Post Secret
Human Descent
Engrish
Bunny Suicides

God bless our municipality

Check it:

http://www.cityofseattle.net/dclu/MapCenter/default.asp

Select 'DPD GIS' and pick the features you want on your map. Select 'aerials' for sattellite images. Before Google, this was the only free way I knew to get overhead pics. But, it still has Google beat in that you can put all sorts of features on your map.

Speaking of Google, does anyone have any interesting addresses to look at?
Here's one I thought of: 5905 Lake Earl Drive, Crescent City, CA 95531.
The 'X' is for Super Max!

Then there is this...

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple

Don't forget:

http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com/

...and:

http://backinanncoultersasssaddleagain.blogspot.com/

Confused? So was I...

Ok, ok. I thought that the blog invites would be a bit more "instructive" on how to post.

I was thinking that they would say: "Here's how to login and begin blogging the shit out of everything!". In reality, however, this was not the case.

To post on the this blog, here's whatcha gotta do.

F1rst: Follow the link that was sent in the email from blogger.com. It'll bring you to a page that will ask you to login or to sign up. Choose 'Create an account'.

2econd: If you want to post, go to www.blogger.com and sign in (in the upper right). You'll then see a 'dashboard' that list the blog. Click the '+' sign to add a new post.

3hird: Post hilarious crap. Awesome.

Porkchop sandwiches!

A quick (yet incomplete!) summary of the hilarity thus far:

http://langleite.org/nanaca-crash.swf
http://ohio.esorn.net/ICWAgencySite.dll/OffenderDetails?OfndrID=62569
http://reality.sgiweb.org/mattm/media/ghengis_khan.mpeg
http://www.sandowplus.co.uk/Competition/Coulter/Stunts/stunts-intro.htm
http://www.thewavemag.com/pagegen.php?pagename=article&articleid=22948
http://www.belindabedekovic.com/video_en.htm