You stupid fucking firefighters
So I worked security at the Detlef Schrempf charity auction on Saturday. Everybody was there - Kato Kaelin, that one guy from "Drew Carey," some guys who played sports. I tell you my friend, the B-list stars shown brightly on Saturday night.
However, it wasn't all glitz and glamour. One of the things auctioned was some kind of experience with four firefighters. I don't know what kind of experience, but it went for thousands and thousands of dollars. After the auction, two of the firefighters stuck around, got drunk, and one started pawing the ladies, whilst the dulcet tones of Dance Factory (!) floated across the Sheraton's dance floor.
It was then I decided that the phenomenon of the sexy firefighter is officially played out. I mean out like Burt Reynolds naked on a bear skin rug. I mean out like Antonio "I'm apparently not a Mexican" Banderas. I mean out like Lou Rawls.
And so I say this to you, you stupid fucking firefighters: PUT YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT BACK ON AND GET THE HELL BACK TO WORK! Quit making calendars, quit selling yourself to dowagers for cash, quit appearing on Oprah as America's Sexiest Heros.
Once upon a time, firefighters were genuine tough guys. A guy I was on ladder company with would always talk about the the old days. Firefighters would just stuff their beards in their mouths as an air filter, grab an attack line, and rush into a burning building. If they made it back out, they'd fire up a cigarette and have a pull off their flask. Now that's tough. Shaving your chest? Oiling your chest? That's, you know, not so tough.
So stop it. Put your pants on and go put out a fire. The life you save just might be that skeezy trophy wife you tried to hump in my area of operations. You'll have to move fast, you stupid fucking firefighter, 'cause I guaran-Goddamn-tee you that those tits are flammable.
However, it wasn't all glitz and glamour. One of the things auctioned was some kind of experience with four firefighters. I don't know what kind of experience, but it went for thousands and thousands of dollars. After the auction, two of the firefighters stuck around, got drunk, and one started pawing the ladies, whilst the dulcet tones of Dance Factory (!) floated across the Sheraton's dance floor.
It was then I decided that the phenomenon of the sexy firefighter is officially played out. I mean out like Burt Reynolds naked on a bear skin rug. I mean out like Antonio "I'm apparently not a Mexican" Banderas. I mean out like Lou Rawls.
And so I say this to you, you stupid fucking firefighters: PUT YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT BACK ON AND GET THE HELL BACK TO WORK! Quit making calendars, quit selling yourself to dowagers for cash, quit appearing on Oprah as America's Sexiest Heros.
Once upon a time, firefighters were genuine tough guys. A guy I was on ladder company with would always talk about the the old days. Firefighters would just stuff their beards in their mouths as an air filter, grab an attack line, and rush into a burning building. If they made it back out, they'd fire up a cigarette and have a pull off their flask. Now that's tough. Shaving your chest? Oiling your chest? That's, you know, not so tough.
So stop it. Put your pants on and go put out a fire. The life you save just might be that skeezy trophy wife you tried to hump in my area of operations. You'll have to move fast, you stupid fucking firefighter, 'cause I guaran-Goddamn-tee you that those tits are flammable.
posted by DirtyBird at 10:16
1 Comments:
Testify!
Post a Comment
<< Home