Unic0rn

I'm sorry. I really am. But I promised to post this (to DB?) at the Bastille day festivities (thanks again, btw, to the hosts).

Anyway, truely sorry...

You're a pretty girl, yes you are

What time is it?

Time to fix your clock!

Look out Maude!

So I finally remembered to research my favorite part of any sporting event I've attended. Y'all want a T-Shirt Cannon?

If not, how 'bout a baseball gun?

All of this is a long way of saying it's probably time to build a spud gun. I'm thinking ABS for strength, I'm thinking a momentary piezo-electric switch for ignition, I'm thinking a metered flow valve, and I'm thinking propane. Fuck hair spray. Anybody in?

...Lucky there's a man who...

In honor of the Family Guy movie's internet release, we should all browse through buy-able products that can't (as of yet) travel through our fancy internet connections.
http://www.mezco.net/familyguy.html

Andrew recommends:
S&M Peter and Lois
Dolled up Peter
and
THE F'IN POPE!!!!

Fuck you, bitchy ghetto neighbor!

Sunday started out just great. My dad gave me the day off from shingling, so Brat and I got to enjoy the one day of the week we've got off together, sans Frances, who was over on The Rock. We lazed about until we got enough energy to get up and make coffee. After that, she's puttering around and I'm practicing quick drawing my .45, when all of a sudden I notice that an animal control officer is at my front door.

It seems that somebody complained about our cats. Apparently, they've been entering other people's houses, and crapping in other people's yards. According to the animal cop, the former is a trespass issue, whilst the latter is property damage. We've been Officially Warned. Next step will be a ticket.

Now in this neighborhood, I've had my tire slashed, my hood dented, my antenna broken off and my wheel hubs locked. I've seen a half a dozen drug deals directly in front of my house, and two blocks away there's an honest-to-God open air drug market. I've been almost run over by a 'banger, I've seen the police chase a man through our neighbor's yard and a couple of months ago, a man was shot and killed in a parking lot two blocks away. A week can't go by without us hearing gunfire. In the face of all of that, our neighbor called kitty five-0, 'cause our cats crapped in their yard.

What kind of a set of priorities is that? Sarah and Frances and I have cleaned up every scrap of litter on that block several times. We're friendly, we talk to the neighbors we know and smile at the ones we don't. We park unobtrusively, and we don't have loud parties. Beyond that, we don't, you know, sell crack or kill people.

Despite all that, one of our neighbors called the animal cops on us. The animal cop knew to come to our door 'cause the neighbor gave them our address, which they got from our kitties' collars -- it was written right next to our telephone number. Rather than calling us, rather than talking to their neighbor, they called the animal cops.

As of now, the cats are indoor cats. Which means we had to get the litter box back out, which means we're never more than ten feet away from a cat turd or a cat trying desparately to escape. I am now a jailer of cats.

All of which is a long way of saying, fuck you, you bitchy fucking ghetto denizens. Fuck you for calling animal control. Fuck you for not talking to your neighbor. Fuck you for thinking kitty crap is worse than slanging crack. Fuck you right in the ear. Fuck you a thousand times!

Thank you for your time and attention. Take care and happy Monday!

Judge not, lest ye be bored....

Kind of fun to snoop around. But rather than meeting my neighbors, I would rather just rate them. Until they implement it, I guess I'll have to keep shouting from the window.

http://apps.hotornot.com/jeff/

Just sodomy and the lash, boys!

Well, it figures. Fucking neo-cons can't get anything right.

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/04_05/0405_dry_war.htm

Celebrate!

It all happens tomorrow. Do you have your bow tie?

Check This

Cavity Penetrator

It's been a while since we've seen a new post, and I'm sick of looking at the damn ashtray (no offense Morgan).

So, here's an interesting b0mb (click for details):

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Lego. It's a new toy every day

Morgan and I's latest project

You probably didn't know that the Foreskinner and I had been making a movie, but, it's finally done, and you can see a sneak peak by clicking here...

Blessed Angels of the Perversely Disturbed

Photoshopped pics of children made to look more 'angelic'.

(care of boingboing)

Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.

Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

Yeah.

No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

What's a... pederast, Walter?

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

This time around the revolution will not be televised...

'Cause there ain't gonna be any more Goddamn electricity once it comes.

I just read through as much of the peak oil production page that Malt sent around as I could stand. Then I went to go take a crap with a good magazine. Despite those twin joys, shitting and reading, all I could think was, 'fuck, fuck, fuck!' Betweeen that and the fait accompli Al Qaeda has handed to the Bush Regime by bombing London, I'm pining for the sweet, digestion-aiding joy that is an American Spirit Yellow.

Right now, I'm alarmed and emotional, so it's a dangerous time to go making conclusions. However, I gotta say some of the decisions our Divine Leader has made are starting to make a lot more sense. Start wars to secure and control oil reserves. At that same time, unify the country by resorting to the politics of fear and a move toward a theocracy. What you hopefully get is access to oil, and a society unified by religion and willing to do whatever you tell them to do, 'cause you've got them so fucking scared -- "look, under that rock, it's a terrorist! -- he's right next to them two married homos burning a flag!." And get those drill into ANWR now, so you've got it on tap once things are really heating up.

If history has taught us one thing, it's that history won't think twice about snuffing you out. If it's taught us two things, it's that it's better to be a Have than a Have-Not.

I want to be a Have. Specifically, I want to have some land, and some food, and some water, and some assurance I'll continue to have those things. Given the way the wind is blowing, I think it might be time to take some steps to make sure we all stay Haves. What do you all think?

Fuckin' A, man.

So, this London business has me pretty Goddamn depressed.

I'm depressed that so many people were murdered. But, I'm also depressed by what's going on in my head. I feel this huge - albeit impotent - rage against the Jihadis who did it. I'd dearly like to hunt down and snuff out every last terrorist, as well as every last person who's ever had a kind word to say about Al Qaeda.

Granted, we trained many of them. Granted, we gave them a home when we abandoned Afghanistan fifteen minutes after Ivan left. Granted, there weren't any terrorists in Iraq until we invaded. Granted, Iraq is a training ground for Jihadis in the exact same way Ivan's presence in Afghanistan was. I grant you all of that. I still want every last one of them to die.

And that, I guess, is pretty much how wars start. Once folks start dying, hearts start hardening. Once people have a relative, or a spouse, or a friend die, they're unlikely to want to make peace with the folks who killed them. The cycle continues - more people die, more hearts harden, more people die, more hearts harden.

We think of them as less than human - they're ragheads, towel heads, sand niggers, carpet pilots, Ali Baba, etc. And in turn, they call us crusaders, infidels, devils, and doubtless honkies to boot. Now that none of us are human, it's a hell of a lot easier to start busting caps.

And some mighty caps they are. Now that the whole world is cheek to jowl and no part of the globe is more than a day on a jet away from any other point, we are officially fucked. We're going to keep bumping up against each other, and keep on killing each other, until the end of time -- be it next week, or next millenium.

If we were simpler monkeys, and if we were just fighting for a patch of forest, that'd be one thing. But we are very fancy, very complicated, very clever monkeys. And we're fighting over a lot more than a patch of forest.

Today, I have hate in my heart. And while I know that hating people will only make things worse, I'm still sitting here, full of hate. Damn my monkey blood. Damn it all to hell.

Something for Everyone

Lest you think I only post fiction about celebrity assholes, here's a little taste of some teabagging, with weiner!

I have spent way too much time at this site

http://people.freenet.de/crossroads/tetka.swf